guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
