I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
