Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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