Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I had to cum in my sink.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
