Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
