I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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