Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
