My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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