I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
