I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
