I hate your face
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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