Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize