u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
