I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I touched a dick in church today
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
