I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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