What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
