how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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