Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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