There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
