I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
