Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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