woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
