This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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