Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
