You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
