K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
