i was born a porn star she said
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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