We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize