And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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