If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize