once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
