I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
