Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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