What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
