everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
