I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
