Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
