Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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