My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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