i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
