he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
