I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
