The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
