So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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