nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
