all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize