I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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