Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
