if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
you never un-have a 4some
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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