I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
