My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
