Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
