When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Someone came in the potted fern
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
