I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
