I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
