cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
