So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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