i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
