it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
