I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
