My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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