No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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