its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
