No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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