So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
