nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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