I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
