the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
