Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
