Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You're like the curious george of whores
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
