i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
