Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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