Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
