if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
