You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
