i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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