im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
how does that bad decision feel?
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