My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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