Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
