Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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