if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
