Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
