i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
