i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
