im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize