I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
