That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
