My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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