It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't deserve a penis
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I supernannyed him into submission
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
