If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
