So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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