So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
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