i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
