I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
