I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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