I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
