my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
