Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
