Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
