she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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