The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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