i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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