Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
