i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
