I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
