I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
