Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
