i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
