I wish I could teleport
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
