mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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