Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Green mimosas i think yes
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
