why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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