Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
