You work out of a Hotel?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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