peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
