We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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