This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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