she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
