all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize